When you feel your whole life you do nothing but try to fight off your demons, but at some point you realize you can’t fight them anymore. They take over.

The saying is true, “In the end you have no one, no one to trust but your family.” I don’t know what I did to deserve this, or to cause this much pain to my family, to know for my stupid actions, an indecisive decision to take a vacation, they will probably lose everything, though there isn’t anything to take. It just puts the icing on the cake. To know your friends aren’t true, and you no longer have that artificial shoulder to cry to. So when can you ever build a relationship that is real, when every person in your life has proven at some point to you they’re artificial, including yourself? When is possible to even live your own life when everything around just slaps you in the face? I’m only 20 and I’m suppose to be just starting out in to the world, start my own life and here I am losing everything, and considering the worst.

My mind haunts me. It doesn’t stop. It’s driving me mad. These thoughts, these ideas, everything my head is so vivid. I can’t sleep and I don’t want to breathe. My goal in life was to leave a legacy, something to be remembered by, but I don’t think I’ll ever get there.