I find it hard to write out my feelings when I would like to publicly state them. It’s not something I want to hide behind fake walls. 

Love. 

What a complicated, screwed up way to feel. The last 24 hours has brought up so many haunting memories and feelings that I don’t know how to justify anymore. I only know what my heart feels. Wounds have been ripped open and my heart feels like it’s laying there on the floor. Something unimaginable, something I thought would never be the case again. How I allow myself to let you have the best and worst parts of me, I will never know. Lying next to someone else when I know they aren’t you is like filling a hole with sand…. The only thing that hole does is sink to the point it’s eventually becomes a hole again. A temporary fix. They say it takes half the time to move on… Well… Half the time has passed and I don’t love you any less then I did the day I met you. 

It’s hard having to grasp the concept you’re married, and not just that your married but everything inside of you have been turned upside down. 

I can’t seem to finish this…